I don't know about your uncle, but I'll try to get a message to your Aunt Nancy

I cannot believe I said that...

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Here I am on the other side of another birthday.  Birthdays are tough for me, but special.  When I was growing up, I had to deal with the abuse which came doubly on birthdays.  Days which were supposed to be special turned out to be strange sources of dread, as my father couldn't handle anything out of the ordinary when it took the focus off of people worshipping him and following his instruction to the letter, if even for one day.  I would urge my friends to not come to my house on my birthday, that it was not a good idea.  I would tell others that I simply did not care for birthdays and they were not a big deal.  Truth be told, they're still not a big deal to me, just another day.  However, I do find delight in celebrating pretty much anything, and it's as good a reason as any.

This year's birthday was lived in stark contrast to last year's.  Last year at this time, I was still working for AL.  My days were bleak, and I spent 18+ hours at work every day, worried that something dangerous would happen.  I missed my own birthday party, and came home from work at 10:30pm.  Steven had bought me a pint of toasted almond ice cream from Tucker's.  I sat on the couch and ate the entire thing and then went straight to bed.  Honestly, I don't remember much about the day.  I know that the following day I went to Napa, but I don't remember much about that either.

This year I was able to go out to a very nice dinner at BayWolf with people who care about me, and I was able to drink a bottle of my favorite wine.  The day following my birthday was Oktoberfest, and I was able to go to that as well.  I took the bus down to Fruitvale and caught the 21 up to the Dimond.  Wonderful day filled with delicious local brews.  I got to see some old AL folks as well.

The rest of the time was spent sitting around doing not very much.  I played a lot of Ar Nosurge and ate a lot of food.  I bought kringles for my birthday instead of a birthday cake, and that was the best decision I have ever made ever.  I am very grateful that I got to spend my time at home, relaxing with things I enjoy.  Just one short year ago that wasn't possible, and I feel the difference in my life every day.  Any day now I will stop being paranoid about that life and move on to how I'm supposed to be feeling now.  Any day now...


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