I don't know about your uncle, but I'll try to get a message to your Aunt Nancy

I cannot believe I said that...

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I'm back from the holiday weekend. I was supposed to have Friday off, but worked from home almost the entire day. Not sure what that means from an accrued hours standpoint, but meh. Had to be done. Nothing really noteworthy happened over the holiday because I spent most of my time doing very introverted things like trying to finish up Myst IV and watching the Kanadajin3 channel on youtube.

I built myself up and tore myself down about four different times over the weekend about wanting to abandon my current life and trying to go after something that really interests me. Then I decided that would be too big a journey (and decision!) to swallow all at one time, and that I would do much better to take it one step at a time like a normal person who has normal thought progressions. I have set myself on a path in life, and it's not one that is easily redirected. I will give it some more thought over the coming weeks, and see if it's something that I'm actually willing to put into words or just let fizzle out like a headache.

At this point I'm not willing to go after something unless I'm pretty damn sure it's going to work out. I have far too much at stake currently to go making piss poor decisions in a childish way. Then again, life is too short to wait forever to do what makes you really happy. This is the thought pattern I've had for the last four days. I didn't get much sleep over the holiday because I kept bouncing back and forth between these two ideals and getting caught up... Sigh. I need to actually have some experience first before I go making decisions. I am nowhere close to even being able to do that at this point. But that's life. You think you want one thing, you go after it, and then you change. Or maybe your situation changes. Or maybe what you were planning for doesn't work out the same way. There are a whole host of reasons for changing your mind, but I'm not yet at the point where I can make that decision. It's a frustrating headspace to be in, but here I am.


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